An open entry to a girl I love

I don’t usually write like this but I couldn’t help myself.

I remember you from class. A wonderful girl who opened herself to me and never anyone else before and perhaps never after. Someone who didn’t seem helpless nor a whore. A reserved girl who actually wore clothes instead of slutwear. Someone I could be with, but someone I didn’t understand. You always had a guy around, I thought I knew to stay off. I was never sure. I hung out with you, met your parents, tried to know you but I always felt so distant.

The desire was there but the spark to light this inferno was not. I could never understand my emotions. We graduated school, I went to being a total shut in and you disappeared from my life. I went off to school and you went to California. I learned but always felt lost. I longed and you seemed long gone.

How long and wrong I was.

Forced into things you didn’t want to do. Met with some guys who weren’t like me. Raped by one I thought to be my best friend. Impregnated without the desire to have a child. Moved around by circumstance. All while I sat from the sidelines wondering about girls I would never have.

In the end I was just too much of a coward. Too afraid of my own feelings. Too afraid of confronting anyone. Too hateful to forgive myself, but now I just live with the memory of saying three words could have changed your life and saved you from all this.

“I love you…”

Dire hatred,

Zero Serra Serenity – Shut-in geek

Anime reviews

A few months back The Escapist had a contest for an anime reviewer. I thought I would jump on it and try it, but I don’t think I was selected. Here are my reviews for Ouran High School Host Club and Gurren Lagan for your pleasure.

Ouran Host Club:
I am not a completely masculine dude and I find myself watching plenty of Soujo anime in my spare time between mainlining Gundams (the older ones) and ultra-violent stuff. Ouran High School Host Club was recommended to me by an Australian friend who’s into this stuff more than I am (he wears Salior Fukus to cons).

The first thing that hits me when watching this series are the character designs reminding me of something CLAMP would do. While the entire cast of characters doesn’t fall under the bishonen category just about every group including that is represented. Haruhi Fujioka is a girl mistaken for a guy who racks up a massive debt breaking something and must work to repay that debt. While it’s obviously been done in other series (He is my Master comes to mind), the use of a cross dresser as the lead is it’s point of originality. For characters there’s the prince, the badass, the silent, the incest twins and the shotacon but the characters are surprisingly well rounded for being a stereotype. As a turn off to me the shonen-ai theme seems to run thick with characters constantly fawning over each other and themselves to the point it gets rather bland by episode three. With the exception of Haruhi the entire female cast feels incredibly flat; as most end up as one episode girls without real stories and feel like they’re all the same girl with a different head. In fact only one girl has a different shape and she appears for a total of ten seconds. On the other hand while this does fall under the category of reverse harem it doesn’t take the traditional role of focusing on the relationship between the main character (Haruhi) with the other characters and instead it focuses on the characters themselves and not just the character and the lead.

That being said the humor that the series sells itself on is rather stable and sudden. Even when situations get serious at times a quick comedy jab at the wrong time keeps you from thinking about the drama too much. While characters seem to fit a common mold for this sort of thing they writers seem to find new and interesting ways to make them funny. Unfortunately towards the second half of the series the jokes begin to stop being funny. This isn’t because it’s reusing the old jokes since it doesn’t, the new humor just falls off as not being as creative. That being said most of the drama in the series is totally forgettable with most story arcs only consisting of one episode.

The overuse of roses as a backdrop whenever someone is bragging does get quite old but characters look alive. However, animation does seem to have some corners cut when characters get farther away from the “camera”. Otherwise, it’s solid, bright and colorful and characters close up seem exceptionally detailed.

I should probably make a quick mention that since I don’t know Japanese and hate reading subtitles I watch it dubbed unless absolutely necessary. In the case of this series generally the voice actors work. I’ve heard a number of complaints about how Vic Mignogna is the dealbreaker for the series but that’s not the case. Even at 48 years old and well over 6′ tall he does his best work with the eccentric types. I will say that Mitsukuni (Luci Christian) is probably a little too feminine and Haruhi (Caitlin Glass) isn’t deep enough for the roles they have but you get used to it and it fits well. The rest of the cast is quite pleasing. Music is nicely varied between pop, light rock and instrumental backgrounds featuring a Victorian theme. Weirdly the opening and closing songs are redone for the English release but unlike previous attempts at this (say Sailor Moon) this one is actually worth it’s own salt to the effect I didn’t even know it wasn’t the original tune until it was pointed out at me.

Comes with Actor Commentaries, Outtakes (thirty-three minutes of ’em), clean opening and closing with samples from the Manga by VIZ media. Unfortunately the Manga samples are a little hard to read when in standard definition format that comes on a DVD.

Bottom line:
Generally entertaining for the first half of the series then begins to lose some of it’s charm. It’s worth checking out to enjoy yourself, though you might find yourself bored by the time the ending hits.

Gurren Lagann Short Review:
When I heard Gainax put out another anime that was hailed as the next big thing I was immediately skeptical knowing my .500 average with me liking whatever they put out. Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann is their latest offering prompting me to take a second look at my average. Let me do the run-down for you. It’s your standard Super Robot anime but we’ve upgraded to digital animation and bigger…um…eyes. But all the classic themes and characters are accounted for, disillusioned main character, eccentric support fellow, the bleeding heart, the princess love interest, the suspiciously feminine male engineer and a complete disregard for every law of physics and chemistry. Is the series good though? Well I think it’s great. There are a few minor complaints but in general the pacing for the series is incredibly good building up from small time nobodies to the saviors of the universe. On that note, character development is very good with characters being very intuitive and being very intelligent about their environment and the situations they are in. Generally very entertaining with points of comedy brilliance and an absolutely spectacular climax it is definitely worth a watch.

R.I.P. The Command & Conquer Saga

Today we come together to pay our final respects to my once favorite gaming franchise. The prophecy of Kane I will no longer follow. The tanks of GDI I will no longer command. The Allied technology is worthless. The Soviet war machine is gone.
I cannot play this game. Redifining the formula has produced a game more like Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II or perhaps Company of Heroes than a classic C&C game. What made C&C great? Structures and the MCV. You got to build your base without having to worry about massive micro-management. You qued up something, went to control your units and when it was up you dropped it on the field. In 4, you don’t get that. You don’t even get the MCV. You get this worthless thing called a crawler that constructs all your units in house. Should probably also mention that engineer’s purpose has been redone from capturing structures to repairing units. Few dedicated structures (Basically you can only build defense structures) and you only get one build que which brings me to my next thing.
Resource gathering. Removed entirely. No longer do you have to gather tiberium, getting new fields or spikes. Instead, you can gather these tiberium crystals that drop from the sky, bring them to your base and you get upgrade points to make your units stronger or unlock extra tiers of units. But with the removal of resource gathering comes the removal of units actually costing money. Essentially what you have is a *craft style game where units cost a supply cap. That’s it. No credits. The game is around cranking out units and filling a que. When your units die, just raise another batch at no cost. What does this lead to? Stalemates and wars of attrition. Not exciting.
Also, you can’t win by beating your opponents into submission. No, you have to go around and collect these Tiberium Control Nodes to earn Victory Points. Why does this sound familar? On right. This is stolen from Warhammer 40,000 again.
I read somewhere that this game is more about co-operative play where one person each takes a crawler of offense, defense and support. Can someone beat into Raj’s head that nobody who plays these games wants to play Co-Op? It was a hindrance in RA3 and now you want to bring it back?
This is not the game I wanted to see. As much as people complain about it being roughly the same game with better graphics I would pretty much like to see that with C&C games. I want to start from nowhere, build up a base and a total army of units and steamroll over my opponent. Games that involve being the uber micro are for Counter-strike players. I on the other hand will be sitting back enjoying a rousing game of Magic: The Gathering, something that still has some semblance of strategy left in it. I’ll leave you with the following quote:
Stormfather wrote: C&C isn’t dead yet. It’s only lying under the guillotine with its hands tied. You can see the timer until the execution here:

Dante’s Inferno Demo

Now normally anime that uses the bible as the story rip off turn me off. It’s not that their boring but usually they try to shove the particular brand of religion down someone’s throat and usually do it poorly. Evangelion is the best example and since I hate it very much I usually color anything bible related as total junk. So here comes Dante’s Inferno, a video game based on a book (The Divine Comedy) that’s based on the bible. Continue reading ‘Dante’s Inferno Demo’


Here’s something I don’t understand. Have you ever heard the phrase “I’m a (blank) survivor”? I never got that. You don’t hear me going around saying “I’m a child abuse survivor” when I refer to what religion has done to me until I was 9 or “I’m a bully survivor” when I refer to my school experiences. Why make exceptions for people to say “I’m a cancer survivor” or something? Continue reading ‘Survivor?’

Thanksgiving and why I hate it

Now I mentioned already the ridicules things dad and Debbie have been doing lately to me to piss me off to no end. Let me expand on it with my thanksgiving stories. Continue reading ‘Thanksgiving and why I hate it’

And now for something completely different: Part 1

See?! Even women old enough to be my grandmother are knocking on my virginity! Continue reading ‘And now for something completely different: Part 1’

I don’t understand people…

Why must people lie? Why must people betray each other? Why must all this nonsense culminate and take it’s toll on me? Continue reading ‘I don’t understand people…’

Modern Warfare 2 Midnight Launch Unboxing

Oh yeah baby. Here’s what we got. I went big of course.
Continue reading ‘Modern Warfare 2 Midnight Launch Unboxing’

Halo 3: Orbital Dump, Super Trash

So yes, I did blow $60.00 on this damned game. While I thought Halo 3 was okay and definitely playable, I do not find ODST any better. Was missing all the fun of Halo 3 because of missing weapons, horrible repeats of bad habits and most importantly the worst plot of a Halo game since…ever. Continue reading ‘Halo 3: Orbital Dump, Super Trash’